#mymum is the newest hashtag that has been trending on Twitter. It has divided the Internet. While I am incredibly proud of my Mum and what she has done with her life, I also feel that a Twitter post doesn't do her justice. Granted a blog post doesn't do her much, as she won't see it, but maybe someday she will, and she'll realise how much I love her.
My Mum was one of six children, right smack bang in the middle. When she came to Australia, it was a last minute thing. She had planned to go to Canada with her friend, who got pregnant and couldn't travel. As her sister was already here, Mum came to Australia. In the process, she met my Dad and the rest is history. Now a widow with two adult daughters, everyday she makes me see how much she does for me. I don't know what I would do without her. She has been by my side during some of the worst times of my life, as well as my best. My only wish is to make her proud, and all she wants for me, is to be happy.
When you're young, you don't realise how much your parents do for you, what they sacrifice to make sure you have the best in life. I never once felt like I missed out, but I knew my parents weren't rich. They both worked so my sister and I would be fed, educated, clothed and all that other good stuff. I'm sure they missed out on things they wanted to do to look after us.
This Mothers' Day, think about all the great things your Mum has done for you. How she has effected your life for the better. That's what the day is for, after all.
I was trying to figure out a word I could use to describe myself. Individual and unique was the essence of what I wanted to stay, but I also feel that everyone is unique. So I wanted something different, something more personal to me. I liked the idea of a queen as an image of empowering women and girls, which got me thinking of Q words. I also liked the word quirky. As I'm a big fan of acronyms, I started thinking about a word for each letter of the word Quirk. I didn't know that this is actually called a reverse acronym. There are also generators online, which would make the process easier - I had to use my brain. I had the Queen for Q. I could've used Unique and Individual for U and I, but I went more personal. Unicorn and Introvert. Unicorn embraced my love of horses, and fantasy worlds - mermaids and such. Also I felt people didn't feel comfortable being introverted, and I wanted to celebrate that part of me. I chose Rebel for the R, as I don't always follow the crowd, and often I rebel against myself. Finally, I chose Kind for K, as I felt the world could stand to be more polite and kinder to each other. I hope that if others share the same views I do, they can be comfortable calling themselves quirks too and not feel alone in the world.
As it gets closer to my late father's birthday (3rd May), I can't help but think of the legacy he left behind. Looking at my immediate family, I am the last person born with the Lovell name that still has it. My sister got married and changed her name, and my Dad had two sisters. But I feel Dad left more than just a name. I feel, time and time again in my life, that I let both my parents down. Even at his funeral, my sister spoke, but I didn't despite being the oldest. So I do feel a burden to keep his memory alive somehow.
All my parents wanted for me was to be happy. For most of my life though, I've been more than just unhappy - I've been depressed. Sure, it was beyond my control in some aspects, which I found out when I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder. I felt I was a disappointment. With everything that has happen since Dad passed away, my Mum and I needed each other, and I realised how much I meant to her, and how much I still needed her.
When I started this blog, I didn't expect it to amount to much - maybe the occassional post when I remember. But now, I keep thinking about it, while I'm at work. And I feel excited and inspired by it - something that I haven't felt in a long time.
So my plan is to grow this blog as much as I can. But also, to have the courage to do other things that I love. For as long as I could remember, I wanted to be a singer. As a child I used to sing and dance on the stairs outside the kindygarden classroom. I was in the choir all my years at primary school. When I got to high school though, I stopped publically singing. Our school had no choir or dance group and when it did, I didn't join. I started to care what people thought of me, instead of what makes me happy and feel good. Even now, at 39, sharing this is difficult. I have never told anyone about my dream of being a singer.
Now, what people think doesn't seem to be as important anymore. Life is too short, and too precious for that. I don't know much, but I do know that my Dad would want my life to be a happy one, whether he is here to see it or not. So I'm putting this out there, and I want to learn to write my own songs, and put an album together. I don't want fame - music just makes me happy, and I would love to have a career in it.